covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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