Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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