ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
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He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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