Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
