"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
