I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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