I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
