he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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