I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
