In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
