ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
