I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.