Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..