Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
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You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..