Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Too much gin, very little bucket
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.