Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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