she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
