There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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