oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
