wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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