every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
