How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
