Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
