5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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