It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize