remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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