According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
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I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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