The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Semen is not good for contacts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Blood and glitter go together right?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
