from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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