Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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