Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
