apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
