Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
