I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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