based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
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I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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