if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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