I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
