You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
