Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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