i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
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