worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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