He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
