just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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