Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
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No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
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If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize