he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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