Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
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The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
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It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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