I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize