I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Are we still banned from the library?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
