It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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