the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
