Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
