So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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