there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
