Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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