He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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