Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
