It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
