Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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