member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
